Hi Everyone,

Did you know that not everyone that comes to our retreat center is

an adult? It’s true. Because of that we have an enclosed play area where

children and teens can play and enjoy an endless array of toys, games,

books, and crafts. And everything in the play area has been donated

by friends of SAM. In fact, the mom of the little guy below teamed up

with another woman and had a “toy shower” specifically for SAM. As a

result, children of all ages can enjoy a vast array of fun things to do

while they are here.

Below is a picture of one of our littlest guests who was visiting us today.

He loves playing with our balls and peeking from underneath furniture.

Sometimes it's a lot funner chasing the ball UNDER a chair, than it is going around it.

We're pretty sure that this little guy isn't looking for dust mites. But he is wondering where his ball went.

Judy and I want to wish everyone of our special friends a blessed

Thanksgiving. We can’t thank you enough for all the support and

care you show us every day. God bless, and remember we love you

guys. Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

Judy and I would like to talk today about something that many moms and dads who have had a child die face in the months that follow that death. It is the inability to do come of the everyday things you and I take for granted.

One of those everyday things is the simple job of shopping for food. Judy and I still have a vivid memory of the day we found ourselves in a local grocery store “shopping.” We remember walking up and down the aisles, and after 20 minutes we only had one item in our cart. When it dawned on us that we just couldn’t make simple decisions I said, “I think we should just go home now.” And we walked away, leaving the cart with our one lonely item sitting in the aisle.

I bring this up for those of you who may know someone who is facing their first, or even their second, Thanksgiving since the death of their son or daughter. As we all know, food is a major part of the Thanksgiving celebration. Traditionally we eat turkey, dressing, potatoes, cranberries, and pumpkin pie. Added to these items are those special “family tradition” items that make Thanksgiving such a special memory for each one of us.

With this in mind, I would like to suggest that if you know of a family that’s facing their first Thanksgiving you might want to consider purchasing their Thanksgiving meal for them. You know - go to the grocery store and pick up the Butterball turkey and dressing and potatoes, and all the fixings so your friends won’t have to do it themselves. But, before you do this, you may want to check and see if they are planning to be home for Thanksgiving? If they traditionally go to grandma’s house, then this might not be necessary. But if they usually stay home, why not bring them the meal. You will want to let them know you’re doing this so it’s not a total surprise.

And don’t be surprised if they say, “Oh, don’t do that.” You see, it’s hard sometimes to just receive from others when we are in need. If they are adamant about you not doing it, then just let it go and realize this is part of their grieving process.

One last thing - don’t be surprised if you bring the fixings and they don’t actually have the meal on Thanksgiving day. They may wake up and just not have the energy to cook a big meal. But don’t let this stop you from reaching out to help them during this time of year.

Grieving is hard work. And the holidays can be so very painful. So please, reach out to your friend or relative today and simply let them know you love them and are thinking of them.

Hey - we love you guys. God bless - Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

Well I wanted to continue on with some ideas of how to help

grieving moms and dads and surviving siblings during the

upcoming holiday season.

For anyone who has had a child die, the holiday season can be

a time of extreme depression and loneliness. Particularly for the

family who has had a child die within the past year. So what can you

do to help?

One thing that many people don’t understand is the reality that a

parent who has had a child die will many times feel guilty if they

enjoy life. That seems strange, but it is so often true. What I mean by

that is that parents, and sometimes surviving siblings, feel guilty if

they find themselves laughing and enjoying life. Sometimes they will

stop in the middle of laughing and appear to withdraw. That’s usually

a sign that they are experiencing a moment of feeling guilty over

enjoying life. After all, they think, “I have had a child die, I can’t

enjoy life like this!”

Judy and I encourage friends and relatives of the hurting parents and

siblings to simply be patient. Don’t expect too much, too soon. Please

understand that grieving takes time. For many people it takes a L-O-N-G

time. In fact, we have found in working with moms and dads that the

second year following the death of a child is often harder emotionally

than the first year. So if you are a care-giver, please continue to encourage

even after what you might think is a long time. It means so much to the

hurting parent to have continued care and support.

Surviving brothers and sisters often find the first holidays very

uncomfortable. If they are younger in age, they still want to enjoy

everything that the holidays bring with them. They still want to have

the big Thanksgiving dinner with family all around. They still look forward

to celebrating Christmas or Hanukkah. What surprises some people is

the fact that a surviving sibling can express deep grief one moment,

and then announce that they are going out to play with their

friends. This is normal, by the way. It doesn’t mean they don’t care

about the death of their sibling, it simply means that they grieve on

their age level. For younger children, death is a very mysterious

thing that nobody seems to be able to really explain in a way they

can understand. So if you see a surviving sibling enjoying the holidays,

don’t express disappointment to them. Support their way of grieving

with encouraging words.

In our next blog I want to talk a little about ways you might be able

to help struggling moms and dads enjoy the holidays just a bit more.

Thanks for reading, and remember - we love you guys. God bless,

Pat & Judy