Hi Everyone,

From time to time people ask us, “What is one way we can help our friends?

They recently lost a child, so we’re wondering what we could do that would

help them?”

Judy and I would like to suggest that you give them the

gift of a stay at Whitetail Lodge. We have found that friends

often like to “go together” to pay for a couple’s stay here.

This would be a great Christmas idea, as a memorial to your

friends son or daughter who has died.

All you would need to do is contact us about your friend. Once you send in your

donation for the three or five night stay we could contact your friends and let them

know what you’ve done. Then they could pick out a time when they could come for a

stay here. Of course, we would let them know who it is that is providing for their stay

here - unless you would prefer to be anonymous.

Another thing you can do for someone who’s lost a child is to help them make a call to

Smile Again Ministries. It can be really hard for a mom or dad to make that first call to

us. There is often so much pain involved. Because of that, it’s always helpful for a friend,

like you, to actually sit down with them and help them make the call. Once they do that

it becomes much easier.

As we’ve been writing about the holiday season that’s approaching we want to remind

you that your greatest gift to your friends is your love and support. Let them know

today that you are thinking of them.

Gift cards to local restaurants can be a great gift too. As we mentioned in an earlier blog,

it can be incredibly hard for moms and dads who have had a child die to simply eat. That’s

because eating means buying groceries, then they have to prepare the meal, and clean-up.

And what seems like a simple thing to you can be overwhelming to those who have had

a child die. So gift cards to local eateries are often welcomed by grieving parents.

Hope these thoughts help you as you prepare to help your friends. We want to thank you

for reaching out to others with love and compassion. Remember we love you guys. God

bless - Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

Well I wanted to continue on with some ideas of how to help

grieving moms and dads and surviving siblings during the

upcoming holiday season.

For anyone who has had a child die, the holiday season can be

a time of extreme depression and loneliness. Particularly for the

family who has had a child die within the past year. So what can you

do to help?

One thing that many people don’t understand is the reality that a

parent who has had a child die will many times feel guilty if they

enjoy life. That seems strange, but it is so often true. What I mean by

that is that parents, and sometimes surviving siblings, feel guilty if

they find themselves laughing and enjoying life. Sometimes they will

stop in the middle of laughing and appear to withdraw. That’s usually

a sign that they are experiencing a moment of feeling guilty over

enjoying life. After all, they think, “I have had a child die, I can’t

enjoy life like this!”

Judy and I encourage friends and relatives of the hurting parents and

siblings to simply be patient. Don’t expect too much, too soon. Please

understand that grieving takes time. For many people it takes a L-O-N-G

time. In fact, we have found in working with moms and dads that the

second year following the death of a child is often harder emotionally

than the first year. So if you are a care-giver, please continue to encourage

even after what you might think is a long time. It means so much to the

hurting parent to have continued care and support.

Surviving brothers and sisters often find the first holidays very

uncomfortable. If they are younger in age, they still want to enjoy

everything that the holidays bring with them. They still want to have

the big Thanksgiving dinner with family all around. They still look forward

to celebrating Christmas or Hanukkah. What surprises some people is

the fact that a surviving sibling can express deep grief one moment,

and then announce that they are going out to play with their

friends. This is normal, by the way. It doesn’t mean they don’t care

about the death of their sibling, it simply means that they grieve on

their age level. For younger children, death is a very mysterious

thing that nobody seems to be able to really explain in a way they

can understand. So if you see a surviving sibling enjoying the holidays,

don’t express disappointment to them. Support their way of grieving

with encouraging words.

In our next blog I want to talk a little about ways you might be able

to help struggling moms and dads enjoy the holidays just a bit more.

Thanks for reading, and remember - we love you guys. God bless,

Pat & Judy