Hi Everyone,

Well I wanted to continue on with some ideas of how to help

grieving moms and dads and surviving siblings during the

upcoming holiday season.

For anyone who has had a child die, the holiday season can be

a time of extreme depression and loneliness. Particularly for the

family who has had a child die within the past year. So what can you

do to help?

One thing that many people don’t understand is the reality that a

parent who has had a child die will many times feel guilty if they

enjoy life. That seems strange, but it is so often true. What I mean by

that is that parents, and sometimes surviving siblings, feel guilty if

they find themselves laughing and enjoying life. Sometimes they will

stop in the middle of laughing and appear to withdraw. That’s usually

a sign that they are experiencing a moment of feeling guilty over

enjoying life. After all, they think, “I have had a child die, I can’t

enjoy life like this!”

Judy and I encourage friends and relatives of the hurting parents and

siblings to simply be patient. Don’t expect too much, too soon. Please

understand that grieving takes time. For many people it takes a L-O-N-G

time. In fact, we have found in working with moms and dads that the

second year following the death of a child is often harder emotionally

than the first year. So if you are a care-giver, please continue to encourage

even after what you might think is a long time. It means so much to the

hurting parent to have continued care and support.

Surviving brothers and sisters often find the first holidays very

uncomfortable. If they are younger in age, they still want to enjoy

everything that the holidays bring with them. They still want to have

the big Thanksgiving dinner with family all around. They still look forward

to celebrating Christmas or Hanukkah. What surprises some people is

the fact that a surviving sibling can express deep grief one moment,

and then announce that they are going out to play with their

friends. This is normal, by the way. It doesn’t mean they don’t care

about the death of their sibling, it simply means that they grieve on

their age level. For younger children, death is a very mysterious

thing that nobody seems to be able to really explain in a way they

can understand. So if you see a surviving sibling enjoying the holidays,

don’t express disappointment to them. Support their way of grieving

with encouraging words.

In our next blog I want to talk a little about ways you might be able

to help struggling moms and dads enjoy the holidays just a bit more.

Thanks for reading, and remember - we love you guys. God bless,

Pat & Judy