Hi Everyone,

I was stunned today by word that a young man I had known several years

ago had died from cancer. Greg had been part of a church youth group in

one of the churches I have pastored over the years.

Greg’s death reminded me that we never really know how many years we

might have here on earth. This morning I was reading about a 12 year old

boy who died from complications resulting from the H1N1 virus. Here is this

smiling face full of hope and joy looking back at me from his obituary page.

Then there is the 17 year old high school student who was killed in an

automobile accident.

It is stories like these that drive Judy and me to continue reaching out to moms

and dads who have lost children just like these. We know from experience the

incredible depth of despair and hopelessness that follows such a death. It is

simply impossible to tell a parent who has not had a child die just how desperate

and hopeless these moments feel.

When Mickey died it literally felt like someone had reached into my chest and

ripped my heart out. In fact, there was actual pain in my chest. Other moms and

dads have told us the same thing happened to them when their child died.

I guess, I just want to remind everyone that if you have a friend or loved one who

has lost a child this past year, please reach out to them today. Give a call or drop a

note of encouragement in the mail. Your words and tears mean so much at this

time of the year.

God bless as you head through this week. Remember, we love you guys. Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

Did you know that not everyone that comes to our retreat center is

an adult? It’s true. Because of that we have an enclosed play area where

children and teens can play and enjoy an endless array of toys, games,

books, and crafts. And everything in the play area has been donated

by friends of SAM. In fact, the mom of the little guy below teamed up

with another woman and had a “toy shower” specifically for SAM. As a

result, children of all ages can enjoy a vast array of fun things to do

while they are here.

Below is a picture of one of our littlest guests who was visiting us today.

He loves playing with our balls and peeking from underneath furniture.

Sometimes it's a lot funner chasing the ball UNDER a chair, than it is going around it.

We're pretty sure that this little guy isn't looking for dust mites. But he is wondering where his ball went.

Judy and I want to wish everyone of our special friends a blessed

Thanksgiving. We can’t thank you enough for all the support and

care you show us every day. God bless, and remember we love you

guys. Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

The page in the scrapbook carries the title, “Obituary.”

The word is hand-written, but the text that follows was

made by a printer.

The “Obituary,” starts out with a poem written by Henry

Wadsworth Longfellow entitled, “FOOTPRINTS.” The poem reads as follows:

Lives of great men all remind us,

We can make our lives sublime.

And, departing, leave behind us

Footprints on the sands of time.

Footprints, that perhaps another,

Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,

A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,

Seeing, shall take heart again.

Then I read these opening words of the obituary, “Nathan R. Junker has certainly left his footprints for others to follow. His caring heart and love of God was plain to see.” Near the close of his obituary Nathan wrote, “His wife and four children survive him…”

This is Nathan with one of his three daughters.

Nathan Junker wrote these words as an assignment for a class while he was in High School. One of his teachers had a tradition of having her students write out a story of their lives. Lives that they had already lived, and the lives they anticipated living in the future – complete with their own obituary that would say whatever they wanted it to say.

What is deeply haunting about these words of Nathan Junker is the fact that they turned out to be eerily prophetic. For you see, at the age of 30, Nathan Junker drowned while saving the life of a teen-age boy who was swimming with him. Nathan left behind a wife and four beautiful children.

Nathan’s mom and dad have spent the past five days sharing their grief with Judy and me. And what is so amazing is how accurate Nathan’s projections were.

Anyone who knew Nathan knew he loved two things with all his heart. He loved his God and he loved his wife and children.

Nathan’s love for God seemed natural for him. After all, his dad was a pastor. He had grown up attending Sunday School, worship services, Christian camps, and a whole host of other activities that pointed him to his need to have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

But Nathan’s faith wasn’t a silent one. At his funeral service person after person spoke about his strong faith, and how Nathan’s faith had helped them take the steps necessary to have a strong faith themselves.

And there’s no doubt Nathan loved his wife and three girls and one son. He walked his oldest daughter to school each day. Just a week before he died Nathan had spent time with his family on a camping vacation.

Here's Nathan with his wife and four children shortly before he died.

Nathan’s mom and dad brought hundreds of pictures of Nathan with them this week. Pictures filled with smiles and joy.

So it is no wonder that the grief of Nathan’s mom and dad, and his wife and four children is deep. But, as Judy and I have learned this week, not overwhelming.

Nathan’s mom and dad have told us about one word that is helping them deal with their grief. It is a word that Nathan’s brother, Tim, received from God when he was questioning his brother’s death. The word is CONTINUE.

Continue! If there is one word that every grieving parent faces it is this one. When the pain is overpowering it’s hard to even think of continuing. When a parent realizes that their child isn’t coming back it can be hard to continue on with life.

But that’s what Nathan’s mom and dad know he would want. They know it is what God would want too. And so they face each day with one goal in mind. They choose to CONTINUE!

God bless everyone. Remember, we love you guys. Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

About two weeks ago we had someone talking to Judy and me about Smile Again Ministries and they said, “In one minute or so, tell us what SAM does.” I have to admit, I had a hard time telling what SAM does in just one minute.

Since then I’ve thought a lot more about that question and have come to the following conclusion, but before I tell you the conclusion I need to preface it with a story.

Suppose you have a teen-age child who is struggling in school, and with depression. And one day that child comes home from school and mom and dad are at work. It has been a particularly hard day for your child. They have been bullied again by classmates. One has apparently suggested that the world would be a better place if your child ended his life. And so while mom and dad are at work, this child finds a handgun - loads it with bullets - and walks out behind their home and does the unthinkable. Mom comes home, but doesn’t know what her child has done in the woods behind their home. She calls her child’s name, but he doesn’t answer and in the pit of her stomach, mom knows something horrible has happened. Dad is called, and when he finds a gun missing from the house the police are called. A search is made of their property and their son’s body is found. And a pain that is incomprehensible fills the souls of a mom and dad as they scream out in unbelief.

QUESTIONS: Who does a mom or dad call in a moment like that? Where does a mom or dad go after a child dies?

That brings us to our one minute purpose of SAM. When a child dies moms and dads call us. When a child dies, moms and dads can come here.

That’s what Smile Again Ministries is ALL about. Helping moms and dads just like the ones I’ve just written about find hope and peace once again in their lives. Lives that have been torn apart by their child’s death. Whether that death comes as a result of illness, or accident, or even suicide or murder. Broken hearts and shattered emotions find help here on Pickerel Lake, in central Minnesota.

Once again, Judy and I want to encourage anyone who has had a child die to call us. If you know of someone else who has had a child die, help them to call us. We are here to help. That’s why SAM exists.

God bless as you go through today. Remember, we love you guys. Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

Well today we just want to tell you that the weather here in the northwoods has been fantastic the past two weeks. Temps have been in the 50’s, there isn’t any snow, and it feels mighty fine.

But we know snow is just a “cold front” away on any given day. And when it begins to snow here it usually lasts until March and April.

People sometimes ask us, “What do you do in the winter?” Well, we do enjoy ice fishing on our lake. Which reminds me, if you have a gas-powered ice auger you’re just itching to get rid of, let us know. Our auger went out at the end of last year, and we are looking for a replacement.

Judy’s not too big on the whole ice fishing routine, and usually lets me do all the fishing while she reads a book and stays warm. But you can only stay cooped up in your house for so long in Minnesota’s winters before you climb the walls. We call it cabin fever here.

Well that’s it for today. Hope you are having a great week. Check out the pics below for some of our snow pictures from last winter. This gives you an idea of what I’m talking about when we talk snow in Minnesota. God bless, and remember, we love you guys. Pat & Judy

It's kind of hard getting to our fire ring sometimes in the winter.

Hi Everyone,

What do you think is the number one question people ask Judy and me when them come to visit Whitetail Lodge? Well, it’s probably not what you are thinking.

The number one question people ask is, “So, who plows the snow on the road in the winter?” Actually, it’s a pretty good question. You see, the last mile of roadway into our property is a private dirt road. That means, that neither the county or State plows the road, and that leaves the plowing to our neighbors and us.

And that’s where we’d like your help. We are looking for a four-wheel drive truck and a plow that we could use to plow this section of road. Last year I (Pat) simply used our snow blower to clear the snow out to the beginning or our drive. But the plowing on the rest of the roadway was a bit spotty.

So we’re asking for your help. If you know of someone who wants to get rid of a truck and snow plow please let us know. This doesn’t have to be a new truck by any means. Just functional. We desperately need this as the weather here is starting to turn colder and we know it’s only a matter of time before the big snow falls. So if you know of someone who could help us out with a truck and plow have them give us a call at 320-310-8877. If they make this as a donation we can give them a receipt for tax purposes.

It has certainly been a weird fall here in the northwoods. October was simply cold and filled with rain and rain and more rain. We’ve enjoyed these first two weeks of November as they’ve been sunnier and warmer. Below are a couple of pictures that will give you an idea of how beautiful fall is around here, and how much snow we got last winter. Thanks for checking in, and remember, we love you guys. God bless - Pat & Judy

This is a picture of the snow around our fire ring next to Whitetail Lodge last year.

Hi Everyone,

From time to time people ask us, “What is one way we can help our friends?

They recently lost a child, so we’re wondering what we could do that would

help them?”

Judy and I would like to suggest that you give them the

gift of a stay at Whitetail Lodge. We have found that friends

often like to “go together” to pay for a couple’s stay here.

This would be a great Christmas idea, as a memorial to your

friends son or daughter who has died.

All you would need to do is contact us about your friend. Once you send in your

donation for the three or five night stay we could contact your friends and let them

know what you’ve done. Then they could pick out a time when they could come for a

stay here. Of course, we would let them know who it is that is providing for their stay

here - unless you would prefer to be anonymous.

Another thing you can do for someone who’s lost a child is to help them make a call to

Smile Again Ministries. It can be really hard for a mom or dad to make that first call to

us. There is often so much pain involved. Because of that, it’s always helpful for a friend,

like you, to actually sit down with them and help them make the call. Once they do that

it becomes much easier.

As we’ve been writing about the holiday season that’s approaching we want to remind

you that your greatest gift to your friends is your love and support. Let them know

today that you are thinking of them.

Gift cards to local restaurants can be a great gift too. As we mentioned in an earlier blog,

it can be incredibly hard for moms and dads who have had a child die to simply eat. That’s

because eating means buying groceries, then they have to prepare the meal, and clean-up.

And what seems like a simple thing to you can be overwhelming to those who have had

a child die. So gift cards to local eateries are often welcomed by grieving parents.

Hope these thoughts help you as you prepare to help your friends. We want to thank you

for reaching out to others with love and compassion. Remember we love you guys. God

bless - Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

Judy and I would like to talk today about something that many moms and dads who have had a child die face in the months that follow that death. It is the inability to do come of the everyday things you and I take for granted.

One of those everyday things is the simple job of shopping for food. Judy and I still have a vivid memory of the day we found ourselves in a local grocery store “shopping.” We remember walking up and down the aisles, and after 20 minutes we only had one item in our cart. When it dawned on us that we just couldn’t make simple decisions I said, “I think we should just go home now.” And we walked away, leaving the cart with our one lonely item sitting in the aisle.

I bring this up for those of you who may know someone who is facing their first, or even their second, Thanksgiving since the death of their son or daughter. As we all know, food is a major part of the Thanksgiving celebration. Traditionally we eat turkey, dressing, potatoes, cranberries, and pumpkin pie. Added to these items are those special “family tradition” items that make Thanksgiving such a special memory for each one of us.

With this in mind, I would like to suggest that if you know of a family that’s facing their first Thanksgiving you might want to consider purchasing their Thanksgiving meal for them. You know - go to the grocery store and pick up the Butterball turkey and dressing and potatoes, and all the fixings so your friends won’t have to do it themselves. But, before you do this, you may want to check and see if they are planning to be home for Thanksgiving? If they traditionally go to grandma’s house, then this might not be necessary. But if they usually stay home, why not bring them the meal. You will want to let them know you’re doing this so it’s not a total surprise.

And don’t be surprised if they say, “Oh, don’t do that.” You see, it’s hard sometimes to just receive from others when we are in need. If they are adamant about you not doing it, then just let it go and realize this is part of their grieving process.

One last thing - don’t be surprised if you bring the fixings and they don’t actually have the meal on Thanksgiving day. They may wake up and just not have the energy to cook a big meal. But don’t let this stop you from reaching out to help them during this time of year.

Grieving is hard work. And the holidays can be so very painful. So please, reach out to your friend or relative today and simply let them know you love them and are thinking of them.

Hey - we love you guys. God bless - Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

Judy and I would like to mention an issue that dads often
face after the death of a child. And it can be incredibly painful during the holiday season.

After Mickey died people always asked me (Pat) the same questions when they met me. First they’d ask, “So, how is Judy doing?” And I’d tell them. Second they’d ask, “And how are Jeremy and Jamie (our other two children) doing since Mickey died?” And I would tell them and wait for what I thought would be the obvious third question, “So Pat, how are YOU doing?” But that question never seemed to come. In fact, I can’t remember anyone asking me that question until Mickey had been gone nearly two years.

So Judy and I would like to encourage you not to forget about dad. Dad’s too often suffer incredibly in silence. Our culture expects dads to be the strong, unemotional type that was the trademark of too many movies in the 60’s and 70’s.

But I can tell you from personal experience, a dad’s heart is just as broken when his son or daughter dies as a mom’s heart is. So this holiday season, when you’re reaching out to a grieving family or friend - don’t forget the dad in the family. I can guarantee that the dad you reach out to will feel relief and comfort.

I was recently sharing this with someone who had lost her son and she mentioned another thing she was experiencing since her son died. When she’s been out shopping she has noticed friends or neighbors who see her quickly turn down another aisle or actually turn around and walk the other way so they won’t have to face this mom. You can imagine the pain that adds to her already broken heart.

Maybe you are a person that feel uncomfortable seeing a mom or dad or surviving sibling after they have lost a child because you don’t know what to say. Then don’t say anything. Just stop and give a hug. Or, if you feel you need to say something, simply say, “I have been thinking of you.” That’s enough.

Well, we’ve got to run. But remember - reach out to a hurting person today. Remember, we love you guys. God bless - Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

Well I wanted to continue on with some ideas of how to help

grieving moms and dads and surviving siblings during the

upcoming holiday season.

For anyone who has had a child die, the holiday season can be

a time of extreme depression and loneliness. Particularly for the

family who has had a child die within the past year. So what can you

do to help?

One thing that many people don’t understand is the reality that a

parent who has had a child die will many times feel guilty if they

enjoy life. That seems strange, but it is so often true. What I mean by

that is that parents, and sometimes surviving siblings, feel guilty if

they find themselves laughing and enjoying life. Sometimes they will

stop in the middle of laughing and appear to withdraw. That’s usually

a sign that they are experiencing a moment of feeling guilty over

enjoying life. After all, they think, “I have had a child die, I can’t

enjoy life like this!”

Judy and I encourage friends and relatives of the hurting parents and

siblings to simply be patient. Don’t expect too much, too soon. Please

understand that grieving takes time. For many people it takes a L-O-N-G

time. In fact, we have found in working with moms and dads that the

second year following the death of a child is often harder emotionally

than the first year. So if you are a care-giver, please continue to encourage

even after what you might think is a long time. It means so much to the

hurting parent to have continued care and support.

Surviving brothers and sisters often find the first holidays very

uncomfortable. If they are younger in age, they still want to enjoy

everything that the holidays bring with them. They still want to have

the big Thanksgiving dinner with family all around. They still look forward

to celebrating Christmas or Hanukkah. What surprises some people is

the fact that a surviving sibling can express deep grief one moment,

and then announce that they are going out to play with their

friends. This is normal, by the way. It doesn’t mean they don’t care

about the death of their sibling, it simply means that they grieve on

their age level. For younger children, death is a very mysterious

thing that nobody seems to be able to really explain in a way they

can understand. So if you see a surviving sibling enjoying the holidays,

don’t express disappointment to them. Support their way of grieving

with encouraging words.

In our next blog I want to talk a little about ways you might be able

to help struggling moms and dads enjoy the holidays just a bit more.

Thanks for reading, and remember - we love you guys. God bless,

Pat & Judy