One of the questions people have been asking Judy and me about SAM is “Is this something you’ve been thinking about for a long time?” Actually, yes, it is something we’ve been talking about for years. Then in January of this year it hit us, maybe we need to stop talking, and start acting.

In March we went on a mission to the Brainerd, Minnesota area to see what our dream of building Mickey’s Lodge in that area would cost us. We spent an entire day with a realtor looking at six pieces of property and buildings. One new lodge caught our eye. It was built by Lands End Development out of Crosslake, MN. It was their lodge that set in motion our prayers and a decision to go ahead and found SMILE AGAIN MINISTRIES.

Once we made our decision known to the church family that Judy and I were serving we realized we had taken a GIANT step of faith. I have often described our decision as a long walk, on a short dock - with the dock being built as we walk. There is no safety net beneath us, just the sure belief that God is leading us to open Mickey’s Lodge and help grieving parents deal with the incredible pain that follows the death of a child.

As we look forward into 2008 I can’t say that Judy and I actually know all that is going to happen. We are praying like crazy that God would supply the money so that we could finish buying the land that we believe God has shown us near Crosslake, MN. And we are praying that God would then supply the money we need to build Mickey’s Lodge. The total price-tag of this project is between $1.6 and 1.7 million dollars.

As I just said, Judy and I don’t know all that will happen in 2008. But we do want to thank all of our old and “new” friends who have joined us in moving forward with the SMILE AGAIN MINISTRIES dream of bringing hope and peace to people in the midst of their pain. During the past six months many of you have given sacrificially so that we could put a downpayment on the land. Others have said yes to God’s promptings to continue to send money for our salary and the ongoing payments toward the land purchase. And for that, Judy and I are forever grateful to you. We are praying that God would open the windows of heaven and pour out His blessings on you and your families.

They arrived Friday night, and we were scheduled to celebrate our family Christmas on Saturday morning. Trae, age 8, Maddie age 4, and Mikai age 2 were told that we would be opening presents on Saturday after breakfast. We didn’t need to tell Mitchell about the presents because at the age of three months he’s just not too concerned.

Well, we all headed to bed. People were scattered everywhere. Beds were full. Mats were full. Make-shift mattresses were full. About eleven o’clock Judy and I settled down for a long night’s sleep - thinking as only grandparents can do, that we would sleep in in the morning.

But our grandchildren had other ideas. Around 6:00 a.m. Maddie and Mikai were making their move upstairs. Grandma tried to sneak out of the bedroom where Trae and I were sleeping. I heard her go, but Trae was sound asleep. Sound asleep that is until Maddie and Mikai came thumping up the basement stairs heading to the kitchen where grandma was getting the breakfast menu worked out.

With the sound of excited voices Trae soon sat up in bed and said, “Maddie and Mikai are up!” The next thing grandpa knew was that three children - FULL OF ENERGY - raced into the kitchen full of excitement and questions.

Of course there was really just one question on all their minds, “When do we open presents?”

A sleepy-eyed grandpa wandered into the kitchen just in time to hear grandma say that the presents would be open AFTER everyone ate breakfast. Grandpa made up home-made pancakes. Grandma added her special touches and  before we could say, “Let’s eat!”, the kids were done.

Naturally, they all wanted to open the presents now - they were done. But grandma and grandpa reminded the kids that some moms and a dad hadn’t eaten yet. What to do? Not only had they not eaten yet - but they were still sleeping!

Trae, Maddie and Mikai were bummed until grandpa came up with a plan to help the sleeping adults get up. Carefully handing each of the grandchildren a bell, the foursome made their way first to one bedroom and then the next. Bells began to ring, children’s excited voices pleaded with parents to get upstairs as fast as they could for breakfast. And once the parents had found their way to the breakfast table, the children were very vocal in encouraging the parents to “hurry up and eat your breakfast!” This was a humorous turn of events. Many is the time I’ve heard these same parents saying the same thing to these same children.

As I watched that day I was reminded once again of the excitement every child feels at Christmastime.
Once everyone was done with breakfast the presents were distributed. Naturally, the children were VERY helpful in this part of the process. I have to admit, the excitement of the children made me pretty excited too.

Our tradition is to read the Christmas story from Luke chapter 2 before we open the presents. Everyone is reminded of the real reason for the season, and then one or more of those present prays, thanking God for all that he’s blessed us with in the past year.

And then the wrapping paper flies. Judy tries to get them to open presents in order - youngest to the oldest. But it doesn’t take long before chaos reigns and I can’t keep up with the picture taking. One very interesting thing to me was the fact that even when it was my turn to open presents Maddie and Trae volunteered to help me.

Maddie proudly proclaimed that she had gotten the “biggest present,” a baby doll changing table. Trae loved his present from his aunt and uncle - a computer interactive game called SIMS CITY, or something like that. Mikai seemed a bit overwhelmed by it all and I couldn’t tell you what present he focused on.

It seems like the time just flew by as we enjoyed playing with new games, eating way too much food, and laughing at memories of the past.

And in all this I know Judy and I thought of Mickey too. We’ve learned to smile again since her death, but there is always that moment when thoughts of her enter the picture. I wonder how she’d look today? Would she be married? Would she have children? These are questions with no answers.

Christmas can be a painful time of the year for parents who have lost a child. But Judy and I have found that God is faithful. He has helped us find hope and peace within our pain. And so, even though thoughts of Mickey are always a part of our holiday memories, we can smile and remember all the joy Mickey’s short life brought to us.

May God bless you as you enter 2008. We are praying that He will bless you with His peace, His joy, and His prosperity in every area of your life.

In recent days we have received emails and even phone calls from people looking for help.

One woman called asking what she could do to comfort a friend who lost two teens in a car accident.

Another woman emailed asking for help in supporting a neighbor who had run over one of their own children in their driveway.

A woman from California wrote asking for help in talking to her niece who had just lost a 3 1/2 month old daughter.

We’ve gotten other emails from Colorado, Michigan, Iowa, Pennsylvania, and Minnesota.

So my question of the day is, “What would you say?” What would you tell a friend that wants to be a comfort to her friends?

Let me say that what Judy and I do first is simply listen. Listen to the cries of unbelief and yes, even the words filled with anger. Be slow to speak. We have found that most people who have lost a child simply need someone to talk to. Be there. It is so easy to say things like, “If you need anything don’t hesitate to give me a call.” A parent who is grieving won’t call. You will need to call, and be willing to hear the answering machine screening calls over and over again. Please, don’t hold that against the person. They are in pain, and sometimes they can’t talk - even to a close friend.

This time of year send a personal note, and be sure to mention their child by name. I can tell you right now that I think of our Mickey a lot at Christmas time. I still miss her greatly, and she’s been gone 19 years. Let your friend know you love them. Maybe invite them out for coffee or lunch. Yes, it will take time, but we can tell you that YOU will be blessed too by helping your friend.

Jesus tells us that it is more blessed to give than to receive. Please spend time this Christmas giving to those who are grieving around you.

God bless - Pat & Judy