Hi Everyone,

Well, we are in the middle of an “ice storm” here. Had to laugh when our dog Choco went running out of the doorway leading to our garage this morning and quickly began sliding across the walkway. But Choco wasn’t to be deterred. He did his best to run in place around the driveway until he realized that he wasn’t going to get anywhere. Oh he had motion, but he didn’t really have movement.

The storm and Choco’s response to it is a reminder that we’re simply not in control of everything that happens in life. We can go to bed looking out at a winter wonderland and wake up to an ice coated skating rink.

Change is definitely the norm when it comes to life isn’t it? Anyone who has had a child die knows that too well. In a moment, or possibly over a period of months, we see so many dreams and possibilities crumbling before our eyes, and we know that nothing will ever be the same again.

It’s how we deal with that change that determines our well being. That’s the challenge of grieving “well” isn’t it? Because our world is forever changed and there isn’t anything we can do about it but face that reality and begin to live in the present.

If there’s one thing we’ve learned since Mickey died it’s that life does change as surely as the sun comes up in the east every morning. I can choose to let my life spiral into morose despair. Or, I can choose to deal with the realities that change brings.

Judy and I have chosen to deal with the realities of change and to help others do the same.

If you’re suffering today because you have lost a child, please know that your pain is normal and real. And also know that one day your pain can change to hope and peace once again. That IS a change that renews our spirit and our love of life.

Well, I need to head out to see whether we’re going anywhere today? Had plans, but I’m pretty sure they have been changed. God bless, and remember we love you guys. Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

Well, another new year has begun. I have to admit I’m glad that every 365

days we get a chance to start all over again. A clean slate as it were. We ALL

need a slate cleaning moment from time to time don’t we?

For a grieving mom or dad or surviving sibling the new year can be filled with

so many emotions. Will 2010 be ANY better than 2009? Will this emptiness I

feel over the loss of my child ever be filled, or will this hole in my chest always

be seen and felt by me? Am I normal? Can I EVER feel joy again? Can I experience

that moment when I laugh out loud and not feel guilty over being happy?

Emotional roller coaster rides are a very real part of this thing we call “grief.”

If you are caught in the agonizing pain of the downward spiraling roller coaster

let me encourage you to take steps in 2010 that will help you get a healthy grip

on your emotions.

First of all, admit you have these emotions you’re feeling. We are amazed at

how many people seem to try to hide their emotions. Or they try to minimalize

them and the impact they definitely have on our lives. But hiding or minimalizing

our feelings and emotions almost always leads to deeper depression and struggles.

So if you’re feeling angry, or guilty, or frustrated, admit that out loud. Tell

someone else how you’re feeling. If the other “someone” is close to you, they

probably already know all about your feelings anyway. So tell someone. The only

way your emotions can control you is if you try to hide them from yourself and

others.

Next, be sure you’re talking to someone who will listen to your pain and accept

your struggles. Just like the old pop song goes, “We all need somebody to   l-e-a-n

on!” By the way, finding someone who can help you is a sign of health, not of

weakness. If you need to find a counselor who will listen, then find one. Don’t

feel like you have to do your journey through grief alone. Find someone and

LEAN on them!

One last thought for today - take a moment and remember one “happy” memory of

your child who has died. This will be difficult if your child was stillborn, but even then

mothers can tell you with a grin how their son or daughter used to kick and keep

them up at night. If your child was older chances are you have pictures of joyous

occasions when you and your child laughed out loud. Take a moment to get a  picture

out and just remember the moment that picture records with a smile. It’s okay to

smile by the way.

It’s a NEW year! One that is less than a week old. One that will hold new challenges

and adventures. Some struggles will naturally come your way. We all know that.

But take on those struggles and overcome them with hope and optimism. And

you will find that your hope and optimism will lead you once again to joy and

peace and even a desire to get out of that bed looking forward to what the new

day has to offer.

Well, I’ve got to shovel snow off our deck. We have guests coming this weekend

and I don’t think they’ll want to do it. May your New Year be filled with God’s

blessings. Remember, we love you guys. Stay warm! Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

One of the traditions that Judy and I like to continue at Christmas time is watching White Christmas with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye. And of course, the story-line asks the question, “Will there be snow for Christmas?”

Well, we can tell you that we definitely had snow for our Christmas. By the time the snow was done yesterday (Sunday) we had 13-14 inches. And the results were breath-taking! The last two days of our great winter storm dropped snow that was moist and so the result was trees and buildings flocked with snow. Below are a few pics of the beauty we’re looking at now.

Here's Itchy and her tribe eating at the feeder we've set up for the deer and blue jays and squirrels. Itchy comes in at least twice a day to snack on the corn and whatever else she can find.

Our Peace garden is coated with snowy diamonds. It is so beautiful and peacful here.

Judy and I were excited to have our kids and grandkids here for Christmas. So much fun and energy. Actually, we’re in recovery mode today (Monday). The squeals of delight as grandkids opened presents made Christmas extra special. The sticky snow made building snowmen easy. I (Pat) got ambushed by my kids and grandkids as I came back from plowing our driveway with the 4-wheeler. While I was admiring the giant snowman my kids and grandkids - and yes, even Judy - pelted me with snowballs from behind trees. Lots of laughter and giggling going on as the grandkids threw snow in my direction.

Judy and I find ourselves blessed today. With kids and grandkids, and even in-laws celebrating Christmas with us, we had a delightful time. Too much food - now I’ll have to exercise off those added pounds. Wonderful game times and goofy stories.

Well, it’s time to head into town for mail and supplies. Trusting each of you has a blessed week as you head into the New Year. God bless - and remember we love you guys. Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

Judy and I want to take a moment to wish each of you a very Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year.

Without a doubt, 2009 has been a year of incredible blessings for Judy and me and for Smile Again Ministries. When the year started Whitetail Lodge was barely an idea, let alone a reality.

But as we talked with people the concept of opening Whitetail Lodge this year became more then a dream.

Judy and I still smile as people ask us how we designed Whitetail Lodge. It all started with a pencil drawing on a napkin in the fellowship hall of a church. That drawing then went to someone who could create the idea on their computer. From the computer it went to specific specs. And then the building began.

Now we have an incredibly beautiful area where we can have families who have lost children come and relax in cozy and comfortable surroundings.

Whitetail Lodge is a reality because of God’s rich blessings, and because of those of you who have so faithfully given and supported our efforts here. So it is with hearts filled with joy and thanksgiving that we express our gratitude to the scores of “friends” who have made our dream a reality.

We so look forward to serving families in 2010. Remember, if you know of someone who has lost a child please refer them to our website. Better yet, help them make a call to us so we can begin helping them deal with their grief.

God bless everyone, and remember - we love you guys. Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

Well winter has come in like a storm this week. We woke up to 11 below zero temps today. Even for us hearty Minnesotans this is a shocker. We were fortunate not to have gotten all the snow that blanketed southern MN earlier this week. Actually, we just got a dusting of snow here.

Our eight pound dog, Choco, always likes to run out every morning to bark and let all the deer and squirrels in the woods know he is up and watching. Normally it’s a routine that includes running around the driveway and then down the side of the lodge and to the fire ring. But not today! He did his usual running like there’s no tomorrow as he sprinted out the door. But in a nano-second he was racing back inside. “Smart dog,” I told him as I shut the door.

Judy said, “It sure is beautiful out,” as we were talking before beginning our day. I couldn’t help but think, “Who but a true Minnesotan would look outside at the snow and wind and think, ‘It sure is beautiful out?’” But winter does hold a mysterious beauty all its own.

The ice on Pickerel Lake is growing thicker with each passing day. It shouldn’t be long before we can head out and do some ice fishing.

Well, I just had to tell ya it’s cold up here in the woods. But it’s beautiful too.

God bless everyone, and remember we love you guys. Don’t forget to let someone who’s grieving know you’re thinking of them today. Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

I was stunned today by word that a young man I had known several years

ago had died from cancer. Greg had been part of a church youth group in

one of the churches I have pastored over the years.

Greg’s death reminded me that we never really know how many years we

might have here on earth. This morning I was reading about a 12 year old

boy who died from complications resulting from the H1N1 virus. Here is this

smiling face full of hope and joy looking back at me from his obituary page.

Then there is the 17 year old high school student who was killed in an

automobile accident.

It is stories like these that drive Judy and me to continue reaching out to moms

and dads who have lost children just like these. We know from experience the

incredible depth of despair and hopelessness that follows such a death. It is

simply impossible to tell a parent who has not had a child die just how desperate

and hopeless these moments feel.

When Mickey died it literally felt like someone had reached into my chest and

ripped my heart out. In fact, there was actual pain in my chest. Other moms and

dads have told us the same thing happened to them when their child died.

I guess, I just want to remind everyone that if you have a friend or loved one who

has lost a child this past year, please reach out to them today. Give a call or drop a

note of encouragement in the mail. Your words and tears mean so much at this

time of the year.

God bless as you head through this week. Remember, we love you guys. Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

Did you know that not everyone that comes to our retreat center is

an adult? It’s true. Because of that we have an enclosed play area where

children and teens can play and enjoy an endless array of toys, games,

books, and crafts. And everything in the play area has been donated

by friends of SAM. In fact, the mom of the little guy below teamed up

with another woman and had a “toy shower” specifically for SAM. As a

result, children of all ages can enjoy a vast array of fun things to do

while they are here.

Below is a picture of one of our littlest guests who was visiting us today.

He loves playing with our balls and peeking from underneath furniture.

Sometimes it's a lot funner chasing the ball UNDER a chair, than it is going around it.

We're pretty sure that this little guy isn't looking for dust mites. But he is wondering where his ball went.

Judy and I want to wish everyone of our special friends a blessed

Thanksgiving. We can’t thank you enough for all the support and

care you show us every day. God bless, and remember we love you

guys. Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

The page in the scrapbook carries the title, “Obituary.”

The word is hand-written, but the text that follows was

made by a printer.

The “Obituary,” starts out with a poem written by Henry

Wadsworth Longfellow entitled, “FOOTPRINTS.” The poem reads as follows:

Lives of great men all remind us,

We can make our lives sublime.

And, departing, leave behind us

Footprints on the sands of time.

Footprints, that perhaps another,

Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,

A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,

Seeing, shall take heart again.

Then I read these opening words of the obituary, “Nathan R. Junker has certainly left his footprints for others to follow. His caring heart and love of God was plain to see.” Near the close of his obituary Nathan wrote, “His wife and four children survive him…”

This is Nathan with one of his three daughters.

Nathan Junker wrote these words as an assignment for a class while he was in High School. One of his teachers had a tradition of having her students write out a story of their lives. Lives that they had already lived, and the lives they anticipated living in the future – complete with their own obituary that would say whatever they wanted it to say.

What is deeply haunting about these words of Nathan Junker is the fact that they turned out to be eerily prophetic. For you see, at the age of 30, Nathan Junker drowned while saving the life of a teen-age boy who was swimming with him. Nathan left behind a wife and four beautiful children.

Nathan’s mom and dad have spent the past five days sharing their grief with Judy and me. And what is so amazing is how accurate Nathan’s projections were.

Anyone who knew Nathan knew he loved two things with all his heart. He loved his God and he loved his wife and children.

Nathan’s love for God seemed natural for him. After all, his dad was a pastor. He had grown up attending Sunday School, worship services, Christian camps, and a whole host of other activities that pointed him to his need to have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

But Nathan’s faith wasn’t a silent one. At his funeral service person after person spoke about his strong faith, and how Nathan’s faith had helped them take the steps necessary to have a strong faith themselves.

And there’s no doubt Nathan loved his wife and three girls and one son. He walked his oldest daughter to school each day. Just a week before he died Nathan had spent time with his family on a camping vacation.

Here's Nathan with his wife and four children shortly before he died.

Nathan’s mom and dad brought hundreds of pictures of Nathan with them this week. Pictures filled with smiles and joy.

So it is no wonder that the grief of Nathan’s mom and dad, and his wife and four children is deep. But, as Judy and I have learned this week, not overwhelming.

Nathan’s mom and dad have told us about one word that is helping them deal with their grief. It is a word that Nathan’s brother, Tim, received from God when he was questioning his brother’s death. The word is CONTINUE.

Continue! If there is one word that every grieving parent faces it is this one. When the pain is overpowering it’s hard to even think of continuing. When a parent realizes that their child isn’t coming back it can be hard to continue on with life.

But that’s what Nathan’s mom and dad know he would want. They know it is what God would want too. And so they face each day with one goal in mind. They choose to CONTINUE!

God bless everyone. Remember, we love you guys. Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

About two weeks ago we had someone talking to Judy and me about Smile Again Ministries and they said, “In one minute or so, tell us what SAM does.” I have to admit, I had a hard time telling what SAM does in just one minute.

Since then I’ve thought a lot more about that question and have come to the following conclusion, but before I tell you the conclusion I need to preface it with a story.

Suppose you have a teen-age child who is struggling in school, and with depression. And one day that child comes home from school and mom and dad are at work. It has been a particularly hard day for your child. They have been bullied again by classmates. One has apparently suggested that the world would be a better place if your child ended his life. And so while mom and dad are at work, this child finds a handgun - loads it with bullets - and walks out behind their home and does the unthinkable. Mom comes home, but doesn’t know what her child has done in the woods behind their home. She calls her child’s name, but he doesn’t answer and in the pit of her stomach, mom knows something horrible has happened. Dad is called, and when he finds a gun missing from the house the police are called. A search is made of their property and their son’s body is found. And a pain that is incomprehensible fills the souls of a mom and dad as they scream out in unbelief.

QUESTIONS: Who does a mom or dad call in a moment like that? Where does a mom or dad go after a child dies?

That brings us to our one minute purpose of SAM. When a child dies moms and dads call us. When a child dies, moms and dads can come here.

That’s what Smile Again Ministries is ALL about. Helping moms and dads just like the ones I’ve just written about find hope and peace once again in their lives. Lives that have been torn apart by their child’s death. Whether that death comes as a result of illness, or accident, or even suicide or murder. Broken hearts and shattered emotions find help here on Pickerel Lake, in central Minnesota.

Once again, Judy and I want to encourage anyone who has had a child die to call us. If you know of someone else who has had a child die, help them to call us. We are here to help. That’s why SAM exists.

God bless as you go through today. Remember, we love you guys. Pat & Judy

Hi Everyone,

Well today we just want to tell you that the weather here in the northwoods has been fantastic the past two weeks. Temps have been in the 50’s, there isn’t any snow, and it feels mighty fine.

But we know snow is just a “cold front” away on any given day. And when it begins to snow here it usually lasts until March and April.

People sometimes ask us, “What do you do in the winter?” Well, we do enjoy ice fishing on our lake. Which reminds me, if you have a gas-powered ice auger you’re just itching to get rid of, let us know. Our auger went out at the end of last year, and we are looking for a replacement.

Judy’s not too big on the whole ice fishing routine, and usually lets me do all the fishing while she reads a book and stays warm. But you can only stay cooped up in your house for so long in Minnesota’s winters before you climb the walls. We call it cabin fever here.

Well that’s it for today. Hope you are having a great week. Check out the pics below for some of our snow pictures from last winter. This gives you an idea of what I’m talking about when we talk snow in Minnesota. God bless, and remember, we love you guys. Pat & Judy

It's kind of hard getting to our fire ring sometimes in the winter.